Why dating/talking to the bartender at your favorite bar is a no-go Pt. 2 #ATinderSeries

Click here to read my disclaimer regarding my dating posts.

Click here to read Pt. 1!

…So of course being the person I am and given that my friend wanted to get drinks that night I figured it would be prudent to go to my favorite bar. I mean, why should I have to change where I go because of someone else? And of course I could always just say hi to the bartender who I knew would be working… So I dressed to impress. It’s not every day that you have to show someone what they canceled plans on.

#FrenchNewWave party!

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Think Mad Men with a splash of modern young professional. #TooLegitToQuit

That whole night, the bartender tended to every single need. This person could figure out what I needed before I wanted it. And of course I got a free shot out of it (which the bartender insisted on – I am not one to try to weasel out free shots from anyone). We were flirting back and forth like crazy. I totally understood why I even indulged myself to begin with. And we actually we texted for a day or two.

And then radio silence. White noise. Darkness.

And then… darkness. (Props to anyone who can identify the show this gif comes from)

And I forgot about the bartender. I just stopped coming around. I was mad at myself for putting myself out there and bring denied royally.

A month later.

One of my good friends and I wanted to grab a drink and catch up after the 225 100th Issue Launch Party. And of course I was looking great that night. I mean, I was in after-work modern-chic (if I had to label it in some random I-don’t-really-know-what-a-designer-would-call-my-style way). And I wanted to just see if I’d be able to elicit some sort of response from this bartending wonder. I know, it’s mildly masochistic. But thank god I did.

The first words the bartender uttered were, “Wow, look who finally decided to make an appearance.” Inside I was thinking “OMG the bartender finally noticed,” but I played it cool, flirting passively and indulging the bartender for a little while. And then FINALLY I got what I was waiting for: the lunch date.

The bartender said, “You know, we never had that lunch date.” And I responded, “Well, all you have to do is text me and I’ll see when I’m available.”

The bartender scheduled lunch for us the next day.

And the lunch itself was great. Long overdue, but worth it. I got to learn a lot about this person. The recent struggles, the previous INTENSE relationships, the reasons for the aloofness. I essentially got a bomb of information dropped on me. Borderline over-sharing, but I took it as a sign that this person trusted me and was just laying all the cards on the table. The bartender picked up the check and we made our way out. And I was happy. I thought we had a great first date. We dipped our toes in the the proverbial pool and realized the water was just what we could tolerate. And I was starting to feel ready enough to stick my leg in…

That next week,

I went to the same bar with a friend to catch up and just see if I could maybe run into the bartender. I mean, I’m not going to lie, I was trying to find any excuse to see this person. And I knew the bartender would hang out at Central Perk when not scheduled, so I figured this person may be making some appearance. And yes, I was right. But that night, the bartender just gave me a hug and we talked for a bit and that was all. I was left pretty high and dry. I figured it was just because we were with our respective friend groups, so I did not think much of it. Toward the end of the evening and after our friend groups started to thin out, I walked over to talk to the bartender alone. We chatted a bit, building up that trademark rapport.

And then, the inevitable happened. An attractive guy walked past and the bartender turned to me and said, “Wow, that guy is hot! I want him to take me home tonight.” Now, I’m not the jealous type. By any means. And I know we weren’t dating. By any means. But, I’m sure there is some protocol that dictates not talking about other guys in front of someone you’re trying to talk to. If not that, then common decency dictates that if you’re interested in someone you don’t state your intentions to get with another person in front of them. At least wait until I leave!

Either way, it could have been a tactic in order to show me that this person was not interested, which is what I chalked it up to. And, readers, I don’t like to dawdle around like a lost puppy waiting for someone to give me attention. So I left after politely saying bye.

No matter how cute it is, I don’t live my life the way this cute, adorable little dachshund puppy does. God I just want one with me right now!

++++

After posting Pt. 1, the bartender reached out to me and was disappointed that I pointed out all of this person’s flaws. The bartender said that I never took into account the magnitude of things going on at the time in this person’s life and that it was not fair. This person also stated that they thought everything was going well until I posted Pt. 1.

I do take responsibility for not taking those things into account and because of that, I am saying now that readers, we never truly know what is going on in someone else’s life. While we may think we do based on what a person chooses to divulge, we can never truly stand in someone else’s shoes and experience life the way they do. But, at the same time, readers, it is important to stand up for what you believe in and make sure that your needs are met. This “saga” taught me that I really value communication and need to be with someone who can acknowledge that they are interested while I am talking to them. It also showed me that people divulge information to someone, especially very personal information, in order to elicit a specific type of treatment from that someone. But lastly, it showed me that it is important to evaluate where someone is in their lives based on their life experiences. The bartender, having gone through a couple of INTENSE relationships, was not looking to date someone; instead this person was looking to just have a little fun, go on a couple of dates with a couple of guys. And that is okay. It’s just not what I was looking for.

So here are the things I learned from talking to the cute bartender:

  • Make sure they work somewhere you don’t frequent.
  • It is important to understand and embrace someone’s past in order to even come close to sharing a present and future with said person.
  • Communication is key.
  • ALWAYS say yes to the free drinks! (Just kidding, y’all!)
  • Make sure that you are looking for the same things.
  • Sometimes pretty decent acquaintances can become of fun dates that don’t really go anywhere. Not everything has to be a polarizing experience. (In other words, the bartender and I became friends, y’all.)
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